Byline: Fus Yvhikv
Editor’s Note: The following column is a fictionalized story written in the genre of ‘Creek Dialect Writings’. The events and characters depicted are fictitious.
“Tvlse Secedes from Oklahoma”
“Secession!” Fixico screams to the gathered masses. “Tvlse should secede from Oklahoma! If states can secede from the Union, why can’t a city secede from a failed state government?”
The crowd goes wild with approving applause. Shouts of “Secession Now!” can be heard throughout the motley throng.
The occasion was a rally that me, Yahola, Tarpalechee, and Fixico organized at Guthrie Green in the heart of The Magic City. Like many Oklahomans, we were quite unhappy with the ultra-conservative and big government Sooner State politics for several years.
Things have only gotten worse with the election of Kevin Stitt as Oklahoma governor. That the modern-day Indian fighter and Andy Jackson wannabe had declared jihad against the tribes was bad enough. Now the governor and the state legislature had declared war on local control by an attempted invasion of city governments. This was Big Government cancel culture at its worst.
Fixico is greatly enjoying his moment in the spotlight. His theatrics eggs on the boisterous crowd. He is equal parts showman and cheerleader. At one point he had the left side of the crowd shout “Secession!” while the right side of the crowd responded “Now!” Fixico was orchestrating the crowd with a large Tulsa flag in much the same way that a band leader uses a baton. It wasn’t quite Boomer! Sooner! But it was close. Once the shouting subsided, Fixico addresses the crowd.
“Yowzah! Yowzah! Yowzah!”, Fixico says. “Oklahoma has launched an unprecedented attack on the Mvskoke, Cherokee, and Osage tribal nations. Oklahoma has also directly attacked towns and cities. Their goal is state control over tribal nations and local governments.”
The crowd begins loud booing and hissing.
“The last straw,” Fixico continued, “Is Senate Bill 1360 which effectively makes homelessness a crime and imposes state sanctions on cities for loving thy neighbor, being kind to the less fortunate, and sheltering the homeless.”
Many in the crowd begin tearing up the Oklahoma state flag. One guy sets the state flag on fire. As he waves the burning flag on a long pole the crowd enthusiastically claps their approval.
“Accordingly, it is time for Tvlse to secede and to declare its independence from Oklahoma. I have written a Declaration of Independence document that I would now like to read to you.”
More wild and approving applause from the crowd. Fixico begins reading the Tvlse Declaration of Independence.
“Four score and several years ago…wait! Ahem! Wrong speech.”
Fixico fumbles in his pockets and yanks out a crumpled piece of paper.
“Ah, here it is.” Fixico says as he begins reading.
“When in the coarseness of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands that have held them in bondage to another, they should declare the causes that impale the separation.
“We hold these truths to be evidence…uh…uh, I mean self-evident. That all our citizens love the Tvlse Sound and therefore we must divorce Oklahoma.”
There is a hushed silence as people scratch their heads in confusion over Fixico’s baffling words. Fixico, however, soldiers on.
“The history of the present governor and the state legislature is a history of encroaching upon the powers and responsibilities of our city government. Now with Senate Bill 1361, Oklahoma is attempting to make homelessness a crime and to punish city governments for having compassion for the unhoused.”
Another round of boos! Shouts of “Bullstitt!” can be heard throughout the crowd.
“Now, therefore, let it be resolved that the City of Tvlse hereby secedes from the state of Oklahoma and shall henceforth be known as Tvlse, Indian Territory.”
At that moment a huge Tulsa flag is unfurled on the stage behind Fixico. It says, “Tvlse, Indian Territory.”
The crowd claps its approval.
“And as Tvlse, Indian Territory, we promise to honor our origins as the Tvlvhassee etvlwv and to always respect and uphold the sovereignty of the Mvskoke, Cherokee, and Osage tribal nations!”
His remarks are met with resounding applause and a standing ovation. As the crowd chants Fixico! Fixico! Fixico!, the Frybread Boys drop a large curtain behind the stage. There is a sign on the curtain that reads, “Fixico For Tvlse Mayor”. Fixico is grinning like he just ate the last piece of frybread.
